“The inner voice is something which cannot be described in words. But sometimes we have a positive feeling that something in us prompts us to do a certain thing. “ -Mahatma Gandhi
We have all had that moment in our lives where your “inner voice” is trying to tell you something. Maybe it was when you were a little girl and you had that lump in your throat because you were going to go along with the “other girls” with something bad. Maybe it’s when you were taking a risk and that voice stepped in and said, “YESSS! You got this girl!” Think about how that felt…where the feelings were in your body? Lump in your throat? Catch in your breath? Voice in your head? No you are not crazy….totally human…and a woman with a 6th sense! We all have it…it’s just how “in tune” we are with it. So what do we do with that intuition? How do we let it help us make decisions in our life’s path?
In my almost 14 year marriage to my ex-husband, I fell asleep at the wheel, which was my marriage. I lost not only my outer voice but also the ability to listen to my inner voice. I pushed MUTE on my intuition, telling myself; this is just what it is to be married and to be married to Mark. I had muted her so much that my body was now screaming at me! Thirty-five pounds later and 3 years of painful sex— I had myself convinced that I either had cancer or some rare disease! My doctor sent me to 2 different specialists to perform various tests, ultrasounds, etc. to find out why I had such pain during intercourse. All doctors sat scratching their heads…they had no idea. But my body knew something was wrong…the only way to protect myself was to close my legs to my husband. Then the voice in my head got louder until one day driving home from the gym, I heard her loud and clear! “CHECK HIS PHONE!”
I turned off my radio and looked behind me while driving. Who is saying that? Looking in the backseat, like you do to tell your child to quiet down….No one was there. “You’re crazy”, I said out loud to myself. “Check his phone!” She said again. “DAMN YOU!” I respond. “Who is there?”. I pictured the little angel….my guardian angel talking in my ear. I turned my music up and continued my drive home.
Later that evening, Mark came home early from work. Tired from a 10-day work stretch, he went to bed early that night—the same time as kids. I stayed up with a glass of wine and episodes of Modern Family. “CHECK HIS PHONE!” I heard again!! Louder and clearer…like she literally slapped me in my face. Why would I check his phone? We have this great marriage. The All American Dream—2 kids, a Golden Retriever, a beautiful home, great jobs. Ok we weren’t perfect…like everyone we had our problems…like my health issue and why I didn’t want to have sex anymore. The way he sometimes spoke to me in his condescending tone, which made me feel 2inches tall and I didn’t have a brain. But we were in it to win it! Right?! This is marriage, right? Hmmm…
Here is the even weirder part…Mark ALWAYS has his phone glued to him…It’s always buzz buzz buzzing all day and all night! He works in Video Production, his hours, his directors, his colleagues all work crazy hours across the US. It was our “normal” – nothing too out of the ordinary for our daily life. To top off the weirdness, Mark had a “secret” swipe pattern that he used to access his phone. I had only seen it once before and didn’t know the pattern by heart. We never had a reason to hide anything from each other.
I look over at the kitchen table…there it was…Mark’s phone. I get up from the couch slowly…looking down the hallway toward my sleeping babies and my snoring husband…tucked into their comfy beds and wrapped up like little burritos. I reach for the phone. It felt heavy and large in my hands…I prayed… “If this is something I need to know, let me open this phone and know it. If this is nothing…then let the phone stay locked and let me move on. Whichever way it goes, give me the strength to get through it.”
I swiped…
The phone unlocked!
“OH SHIT!”….
Deep breath…
”OK, here I go.”
I start with the text messages…
As I sort through family and work texts, I find…
Six women, different numbers, different relationships, different stages of the relationship…sexting, pictures, meet ups, hook ups…it was all there!!
I threw up…
Then I found my strength (read “How We Perceive Our Challenges”) and promised my “Inner Voice” I would never press MUTE on her again!!!!
So how do you know when your “inner voice” is trying to tell you something? If you hear her, what do you do with that information? Answer: trust and time! Whether it’s your marriage or a decision about a new life path, chances are your “inner voice” is showing you signs. We all have a tendency to fall asleep at the wheel…to be so busy with life that the “busy” becomes the “noise”. If you are in a difficult place, don’t make my mistake and tell yourself, “Oh this is just how it is.” NO! If you are not happy, quiet your mind and listen.
How to help:
–Where in your body do you feel the emotion when the subject of your challenge comes up?
–Maybe it’s something the universe is just trying to tell you or direct you…maybe there are things that keep happening in your life that are unexplainable?
–Listen and see the signs– Feelings, reactions to things, little voices in your head, stories in your mind that seem to be on repeat, reoccurring dreams?
–Quiet your mind and listen – Consider prayer or meditation—ask yourself a question. Put it out there in the universe and see what comes back to you.
–Take your time – Sometimes answers don’t come right away…that’s ok…let time be your guide.
The important thing is to get reconnected with you! Life is busy—kids, marriage, work, activities, responsibilities, LIFE! So how do you quiet your mind so you can listen and be “in tuned” with your inner voice? We all have our thing…the gym, a walk, a weekend away (imagine that?), meditation, prayer, church, venting to your BFF. Trust your gut! Believe in your “inner voice”. We, women, are blessed to have that 6th sense. It’s just training us to stay connected to it and learn to trust in ourselves. You Got This GIRL!!
*Alix Stone
@soulsurvivor_alix_stone
aka: Soul♥Survivor
