Category: Friends and Support

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Different Kinds of Love

Different kinds of love

 

Part 1 of a  Series:  Different Kinds of Love

 

“I thought of all the different kinds of love in the world. I could think of ten without even trying. The way parents love their kids, the way you love a puppy or chocolate ice cream or home or your favorite book or your sister. Or your uncle. There’s those kinds of love and then there’s the other kind.  The falling kind.”       – Carol Rifka Brunt

 

February comes around and as you enter every grocery store, Walgreens, Big Box Store – Bam! There it is right in your face- LOVE– Or at least the “Hallmark Version” of Love. Paper hearts, valentines, ad campaigns for jewelry— it’s everywhere you turn. But what is the true meaning of Love? When you hear this word—what is the first thought that comes to mind? Is it your children? Family? Lover? Your dog? Love can encompass so many relationships. But when we see the hearts, the valentines, the commercials bombarding us come February – most of us think of Luvvvvvvvv! (said in my best Barry White impression). Turn down the lights baby and slide over here. Oh yayyyyyy—- Lovvvve! But how many kinds of love are there? Is there more than one type of love? Can you love more than one person at one time? Can you love two people equally? And all the different loves in your lifetime…love of your friends, family, pets, children and even yourself…where does it all fit into place?

 

different kinds of love

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Beat the January Blues – Reset Renew Refresh

Beat the January Blues and leap into a New Year as a Single Mom. How to get through it and how do we press the “Restart Button” for the New Year?

 

“You are leaping into a new reality here — it’s not your job to know the how; it’s your job to ask for what you want and wait to discover the how, then take action.”   – Jen Sincero (YOU are a BADASS)

 

Well, you did it! You survived the holidays!! For most, this time of year is full of family gatherings, holiday parties with couples and the awesome wonderment in your children’s eyes over all the holiday hustle and bustle. But not everyone is keen on the “Holiday Scene”…I’m talking about us “Divorcees”.   When you are divorced, whether it is the first year separated, the 5th or even the 10th year, the holidays bring a different vibe and energy then maybe they once did before. The facts are that its different now. Maybe you have some old memories, resentment or maybe even a fresh outlook to start new traditions. But no matter how you look at it, there is at least a few moments of sadness, hurt or loneliness that happen for us as we enter and finish the holiday season. So how do you get through it and how do we press the “Restart Button” for the New Year?

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Hey Kids, Mom is Dating!

Mom is dating

“Wait! What?!! I’m dating again? How the hell did this happen?”    

-Alix Stone

Something you did for years with no thought at all. Many of us dating through our 20’s and 30’s– partying, clubs, bars, college friends, work friends…it was our lifestyle. Then you find yourself married 10+ years, kids, husband and now “Was-band”, divorced and realizing that you have not been single for 17 years! Wait…did I just say that? I haven’t been single for 17 years! How do I even get the nerve to start over…let alone meet someone? It’s 2017 and I’m a MOM! Now we enter the “double life” post-divorce stage. What is this new life going to entail and how will you handle it?

Three months “post – separation” from my almost 14 year marriage to Mark and 17 year relationship, I found myself changing my “Facebook Relationship Status” to SINGLE. Whoa! It was a feeling like no other. Mixed emotions for sure…Freedom yet sadness—He doesn’t know what he lost yet you’re insecure—You can date whomever you want yet will anyone want to date me? From one spectrum to the other, you find yourself jockeying between emotions. How do you navigate through your emotions and yet live the life that you know as a mother? With emotions raw right after a separation, you feel like you want to go out and sleep with anyone that shows interest. I like to call this the “CrAzY time” and anyone who has just been separated or divorced can relate. Whether you’re the “Petitioner” or the “Respondent” this time is the time you find yourself reliving your 20’s. Drinking, bars, one night stands, out with the girls, and partners in crime tend to be a theme for awhile. And it’s ok…we all need it. I compare it being let out of prison…you have been locked in a life of diapers, kids schedules, life with a husband and now you have a freedom again! Freedom you haven’t had in maybe a decade. So let your hair down! Maybe “prison” is too harsh…but let’s be real…you were tied down to a schedule and life that slowly became everyone else’s and not your own. Let go and enjoy…it is a short-lived stage compared to the lifetime movie you have been living.

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Solitude vs. Loneliness

see the heart on my sleeve

 

“Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”     -Paul Tillich

 

The first night you’re alone…really alone. Your ex picks up the kids and you have the house to yourself. Maybe it’s one night, maybe it’s a few days…but you are alone. Why aren’t you celebrating? Instead you watch them drive off and you close the front door, walk through the quiet house…way too quiet house…slide down the wall…and sob. You sob like you have never sobbed before!

Have you had this night yet? It was the quiet nights that I would only dream about when I was married. “Only if I had a day to myself!!” I would daydream. I would actually fantasize about running away or getting sick…not too sick but sick enough where you couldn’t leave the bed. You could sleep ALLLL DAY and just have quiet uninterrupted time!  I about died from laughter after watching the movie “Bad Moms” and Kristen Bell’s character had the same fantasy!

(Watch this clip from the movie – Bad Moms starring Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn)

Oh Serenity Now!! Even my mom friends, who are married, tell me sometimes how jealous they are of my “nights off”. But it has taken me a long time to call them “my nights off”. I would dread the evenings alone. I didn’t realize then that I was really scared to be alone; not knowing what I would do with my time and how scared I was to feel loneliness. But without being with your loneliness, how can you get to the solitude?

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Your 2am Phone Call

best friends 2am phone call

 

“Best friends…you fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I get in a paddleboat and save your stupid ass!”      -Girl From Paris

Who are your “girls”? Your 2am phone call…your cry on the shoulder, eat a gallon of ice cream, drink a few bottles of wine, dance all night, talk for hours– girlfriends? We all have them! Whether it’s one, two, or five… “our girls” are who gets us through the best and the worst of times.

For me, my friends are my family. My kids call many of my best girlfriends “auntie”…it’s just how we do it. I’m blessed to have many girlfriends that I can call upon for advice, act as a sounding board, unload in a venting session, and of course chitty chitty chit chat all night long….and usually over many drinks! When I was going through my divorce, the relationship that broke me into a million pieces, “my girls” were there for me. Even when I dug myself into a hole to just feel the pain and never want to face reality of my days, someone was always there doing the right thing. Sometimes it was letting me cry, other times it was coaxing me out on the town…and other times it was cheesy girl movies and hard alcohol! One of my favorites is with my “ROCK”,  my college BFF, Luna.  She and I have “Virtual Happy Hour” over the phone because she lives 600 miles away!  And the funniest time… when one of my girlfriends sent me home with her Marijuana stash (prescription of course) and said, “Smoke it all girl! I don’t want to see you until next week!”  Next week!!!??? She just sent me home with more pot then I had smoked in the last 10 years!

We all have our crew or our BFF, who would fight tooth and nail for you. You know she would be there for you in whatever way she can help. So who do you lean on in the time of need? It’s who I like to call…

 

-“Your 2am Phone Call”.   When I found out that Mark had been cheating on me with an extraordinary amount of women, I lost my shit! Literally ran to the bathroom and threw up. My next move…called Athena! And yes it was close to 2am! Of course she didn’t answer…. she’s a mother of 3 and fast asleep! But she called me 1st thing next morning! I needed her to see the photos I took of Mark’s screenshots…to make sure I wasn’t going crazy!? She even took the kids for a “play date” when I confronted Mark and kicked him out. (Read- “Power Moment” blog) And she has been there ever since.

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Your Power Moment

your power moment

 

“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self”   -Karen Salmansohn

   The Power Moment! The moment when no one can take away your strength…the moment you are the Phoenix rising from the ashes. This is your moment. Have you had this moment yet? Or maybe you are gearing up for it, like going into battle– suit up, pull up your big girl panties and do this! Our lives will hand us shit sometimes. It’s what you do with this shit that will create your personal growth. So let’s talk about those Power Moments and how to get yourself ready for it.

Now for us Divorcees…we all have this moment. Maybe it is as shallow as how hot you looked in front of your ex and his new girlfriend or as wonderful as a win over something you were fighting for in the MSA. Either way, you have had or will have this moment. For me, it was what I like to call “The Confrontation”. The funny thing is it’s like I knew this was going to be my Power Moment. So I actually thought about it and took my time planning it out! It felt like I was making my directorial debut on my Lifetime Movie. “OK people, I want this in one take…let’s make this real…let’s make this raw…let’s do this! ACTION!”

your power moment

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My Story…

see the heart on my sleeve

“My Story”

As I start to write this…I’m scared, nervous, excited— who the hell cares about “My” Story?  But I’m here to be honest and will always shoot it straight and cut through the bullshit— so that’s why the “Warning Label” on the Home Page.

And I’ll start by saying this — this is my first attempt to a blog!  So please be patient with me while I work through some shit and start this incredible journey.  As the days, weeks, months go by– I will be adding stories, blogs, articles, resources.  My hope is that you will find something here that will be a useful tool for you or at least make you laugh and maybe cry.  Somehow someway be healing to your heart.

“My story” will unfold here for you to read, dissect, and criticize but what gives me the audacity to start a blog about divorce, heartache, marriage, kids, dating?  Well….for one, because I was married for 14 years and have two pretty awesome kids (who are now entering pre-teen/teen).  For reason two– notice the “italicized” WAS married? I found out at the 13.5  year mark of my marriage that my husband had been cheating on me for at least 8 years of our marriage.  And not the had an oopsie- “I fell in love with someone else” kind of cheating— the “I live two lives”- Tiger Woods Platinum Level of cheating!  Awesome! Good Times!  (insert sarcasm).  And through it all– the good, the bad, and the ugly, I held my shit together.  Why?  Because we are badass Moms that’s why!!  I found an amazing therapist/guru, meditation, self love, inner fkn strength I never knew I had, kindness, forgiveness, and yes Love again.

So let my stories be your guide through all of it–divorce, kids, dating again, and everything in between… Think of it as your Soul Survivor’s Guide.  And just to start us off– a few things I have learned along the way:

  • Kindness and Humor gets you a long way.  Kindness can be forgiving when you thought you could never forgive.  And Humor…well…shit…we all need a good laugh sometimes!  Laughter is the best medicine.
  • Your Girlfriends/BFFS will save your life!  True colors shine through the toughest times!  And to get through this huge life transition you will need strong people at your side to peel you off the floor, have your back, bring wine, and everything in between.
  • Power of Your Story will help you find your inner strength.  You will get through this!  And you will get to the other side and see how this is a beginning of a new chapter not the end of your story.  You have to find that power within and be able to rise above…being the Phoenix from the Ashes!

So I’m here for you…let the story unfold…

*Alix Stone

@soulsurvivor_alix_stone

aka: Soul♥Survivor

see the heart on my sleeve

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Hello World!

See the heart on my sleeve

Welcome to my blog –  Heart on My Sleeve – “Soul Repair Not Divorce Despair”

see the heart on my sleeve

 

 

 

Think of this as a “Soul Survivor’s” guide to get you through the heartache, the soul searching, holding it together for the kids, and yes- dating again!  Wherever you might be in your journey, I hope you can find articles that will inspire you, make you laugh, and let you know that you are not alone.  The one thing that truly got me through the tough times of divorce was my friends!  So I dedicate this site to you!  You know who you are…I promise to change the names to protect the innocent and the “not” so innocent.  ;o)  From long nights of tearful phone calls to literally lifting me up from the puddle that was me on the floor– my friends, my community, my family got me through it.  So that’s why I am here for you!!  Let my story help your story!  Remember, you are never alone in this!

*Alix Stone

Visit me at Instagram! @soulsurvivor_alix_stone

aka: Soul♥Survivor

 

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