divorce with dignity Archives - ♥ Heart on My Sleeve ♥

June 25, 2017November 21, 2017

Ex In-Laws & Healthy Boundaries

“Do not justify, apologize for or rationalize the healthy boundary you are setting. Do not argue. Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.” – Crystal Andrus

The “Ex’s…ex-husband, ex-sister in-laws, ex-brother in-laws, ex-in-laws!!! Oh my! You have been so focused on the kids, yourself, the divorce…now the dust is settled and you have the EX-In-Laws and Outlaws! Some of them you might be happy to “separate” from…others maybe a sad parting of ways…either way, it’s not easy. So how do you continue the relationships and do you have to?

Marriage+Kids = grandparents, aunties, uncles…So as long as they are healthy relationships, then keeping the relationship is important. The kids need to see that their family is still a family. (Telling the Kids blog post) Show your kids how to rise above…they will look to you how to handle relationships in the future. But what if there are unhealthy relationships in your ex’s family…how do you create boundaries and keep your sanity? All more pressures added to the post divorce family.

Continue reading “Ex In-Laws & Healthy Boundaries”

May 25, 2017November 21, 2017

Solitude vs. Loneliness

“Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” -Paul Tillich

The first night you’re alone…really alone. Your ex picks up the kids and you have the house to yourself. Maybe it’s one night, maybe it’s a few days…but you are alone. Why aren’t you celebrating? Instead you watch them drive off and you close the front door, walk through the quiet house…way too quiet house…slide down the wall…and sob. You sob like you have never sobbed before!

Have you had this night yet? It was the quiet nights that I would only dream about when I was married. “Only if I had a day to myself!!” I would daydream. I would actually fantasize about running away or getting sick…not too sick but sick enough where you couldn’t leave the bed. You could sleep ALLLL DAY and just have quiet uninterrupted time! I about died from laughter after watching the movie “Bad Moms” and Kristen Bell’s character had the same fantasy!

(Watch this clip from the movie – Bad Moms starring Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn)

Oh Serenity Now!! Even my mom friends, who are married, tell me sometimes how jealous they are of my “nights off”. But it has taken me a long time to call them “my nights off”. I would dread the evenings alone. I didn’t realize then that I was really scared to be alone; not knowing what I would do with my time and how scared I was to feel loneliness. But without being with your loneliness, how can you get to the solitude?

Continue reading “Solitude vs. Loneliness”

January 25, 2017November 21, 2017

My Story…

“My Story”

As I start to write this…I’m scared, nervous, excited— who the hell cares about “My” Story? But I’m here to be honest and will always shoot it straight and cut through the bullshit— so that’s why the “Warning Label” on the Home Page.

And I’ll start by saying this — this is my first attempt to a blog! So please be patient with me while I work through some shit and start this incredible journey. As the days, weeks, months go by– I will be adding stories, blogs, articles, resources. My hope is that you will find something here that will be a useful tool for you or at least make you laugh and maybe cry. Somehow someway be healing to your heart.

“My story” will unfold here for you to read, dissect, and criticize but what gives me the audacity to start a blog about divorce, heartache, marriage, kids, dating? Well….for one, because I was married for 14 years and have two pretty awesome kids (who are now entering pre-teen/teen). For reason two– notice the “italicized” WAS married? I found out at the 13.5 year mark of my marriage that my husband had been cheating on me for at least 8 years of our marriage. And not the had an oopsie- “I fell in love with someone else” kind of cheating— the “I live two lives”- Tiger Woods Platinum Level of cheating! Awesome! Good Times! (insert sarcasm). And through it all– the good, the bad, and the ugly, I held my shit together. Why? Because we are badass Moms that’s why!! I found an amazing therapist/guru, meditation, self love, inner fkn strength I never knew I had, kindness, forgiveness, and yes Love again.

So let my stories be your guide through all of it–divorce, kids, dating again, and everything in between… Think of it as your Soul Survivor’s Guide. And just to start us off– a few things I have learned along the way:

Kindness and Humor gets you a long way. Kindness can be forgiving when you thought you could never forgive. And Humor…well…shit…we all need a good laugh sometimes! Laughter is the best medicine.

Your Girlfriends/BFFS will save your life! True colors shine through the toughest times! And to get through this huge life transition you will need strong people at your side to peel you off the floor, have your back, bring wine, and everything in between.

Power of Your Story will help you find your inner strength. You will get through this! And you will get to the other side and see how this is a beginning of a new chapter not the end of your story. You have to find that power within and be able to rise above…being the Phoenix from the Ashes!

So I’m here for you…let the story unfold…

*Alix Stone

@soulsurvivor_alix_stone

aka: Soul♥Survivor

see the heart on my sleeve

January 23, 2017November 21, 2017

Hello World!

Welcome to my blog – Heart on My Sleeve – “Soul Repair Not Divorce Despair”

see the heart on my sleeve

Think of this as a “Soul Survivor’s” guide to get you through the heartache, the soul searching, holding it together for the kids, and yes- dating again! Wherever you might be in your journey, I hope you can find articles that will inspire you, make you laugh, and let you know that you are not alone. The one thing that truly got me through the tough times of divorce was my friends! So I dedicate this site to you! You know who you are…I promise to change the names to protect the innocent and the “not” so innocent. ;o) From long nights of tearful phone calls to literally lifting me up from the puddle that was me on the floor– my friends, my community, my family got me through it. So that’s why I am here for you!! Let my story help your story! Remember, you are never alone in this!

*Alix Stone

Visit me at Instagram! @soulsurvivor_alix_stone

aka: Soul♥Survivor