Solitude vs. Loneliness

see the heart on my sleeve

 

“Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”     -Paul Tillich

 

The first night you’re alone…really alone. Your ex picks up the kids and you have the house to yourself. Maybe it’s one night, maybe it’s a few days…but you are alone. Why aren’t you celebrating? Instead you watch them drive off and you close the front door, walk through the quiet house…way too quiet house…slide down the wall…and sob. You sob like you have never sobbed before!

Have you had this night yet? It was the quiet nights that I would only dream about when I was married. “Only if I had a day to myself!!” I would daydream. I would actually fantasize about running away or getting sick…not too sick but sick enough where you couldn’t leave the bed. You could sleep ALLLL DAY and just have quiet uninterrupted time!  I about died from laughter after watching the movie “Bad Moms” and Kristen Bell’s character had the same fantasy!

(Watch this clip from the movie – Bad Moms starring Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn)

Oh Serenity Now!! Even my mom friends, who are married, tell me sometimes how jealous they are of my “nights off”. But it has taken me a long time to call them “my nights off”. I would dread the evenings alone. I didn’t realize then that I was really scared to be alone; not knowing what I would do with my time and how scared I was to feel loneliness. But without being with your loneliness, how can you get to the solitude?

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How We Perceive Our Challenges

how we perceive our challenges

 

“I’m just making a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial”     – Jim Carrey

We all have our “shit”– our challenges we face daily.  Whether it’s a sick parent, challenges with your children, tough job, or a failing marriage/relationship…our shit is our shit.  To each of their own, I like to say.  Don’t let Facebook or (Fakebook), as my 13 year old son calls it, let you think otherwise.  We all are telling our story in different ways.  So what are your challenges?  How do you perceive them?  How do you choose to react to them?

For me…it depends on my state of mind–my inner strength…my soul…my core.  If I’m not taking care of Me, then my inner strength is weakened.  I find myself in a monkey mind of story lines–one’s which may never be true–causing me to react in fear or sadness.  But it’s when we are facing these challenges that we learn so much from ourselves.  If you can stop the “monkey mind” and face your problem with an attitude of “what can I learn from this” , “how is this going to make me stronger”, “can I turn this around to be an A-ha moment”?  It’s all perception– awakening the mind to how to act not react.

When I found out my husband of 13+years had been cheating on me for more then half our marriage…don’t get me wrong— I did react!!  It was the famous “Fight or Flight” moment.  I literally threw up after discovering numerous women’s sexting conversations on his phone.  After a few moments in the bathroom, I looked in the mirror with puffy eyes and tears streaming down my face, I said, “Pull your shit together girl!”.  I proceeded down the hallway to where he slept, while our children lie peacefully in their beds.  Grabbing the baseball bat, we have under the bed, I leaned over his sleeping body as he snored so heavily in his slumber.  I wanted so badly to hurt him the way my heart was hurting…I raised the bat toward his body—(my crazy Britney Spears moment) and then my little voice, my inner strength, whispered in my ear, “your babies are sleeping.”  My beautiful children, whom I made with this man, were sleeping in the next room.  They almost never heard us fight and never knew their perfect little world would soon be over.  I lowered the bat, left the room, and sobbed as my  heart broke into pieces.   I then made a choice at that very moment…My children!  I am MAMA BEAR, hear me roar!!!   I made a choice to slowly, methodically, and calmly handle this challenge with grace and love–not fear.  Now don’t get me wrong–there is more to this story– but I knew that night that he had just given me a gift!  A gift of a new life!  A gift of my children!  And a gift of me finding inner strength I never knew I had.  He awoke the sleeping Phoenix in me and I would rise again.

And wherever you are in your challenges, you can find a gift also.  What good can come out of your situation?  Sometimes they are hidden and take time to see; but trust me…they are there.  Awaken your mind to changing your perception– you will find your strength!

–Soul ♥ Survivor

*Great short featuring Jim Carrey’s speech of choosing “Love not Fear” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TIXuCG1gug