power moment Archives - ♥ Heart on My Sleeve ♥

May 15, 2017November 21, 2017

Telling the Kids

“It’s possible to have a loving divorce. It takes an enormous amount of courage to change your life. No one wants a marriage to end; no one wants to have that heart-crushing conversation with (the) kids, but it happens.”

-Laurie David, Filmmaker, “An Inconvenient Truth”

The crushing reality of “telling the kids”…to have that one conversation you hope to never have with them. “Kids…your dad and I love you very much. You didn’t do anything wrong. We are getting a divorce…” How do you tell the kids? What are the right and wrong things to say? I wished I had someone to tell me what and how; but I had to learn on my own; and this is why I share my story with you.

The absolute WORST day of my life will go down as the day Mark and I had to tell the kids we were separating. Most people would think it was the day I discovered that Mark had been cheating on me…6 different women…some flirtations, some sexts–relationships you could tell had been going on for a while. (Read “Your Inner Voice” blog entry). All the while he was married to me, almost 14 years married and 17 years together. Here we were the All American Dream…2 kids (a boy and a girl), a Golden Retriever, 1 bunny, 1 cat, 2 fish…beautiful home in the ‘burbs, quiet little town, great careers…the one where he travels and I work from home to run my business and take care of the kids…Do you hate me yet? Yep! Well, that’s ok…we are a lot more alike than you think. Mark and I had problems just like anyone else. He was gone all the time working/traveling, while I was home doing EVERYTHING…housekeeper, babysitter (although doesn’t classify as “babysitter” when they are your own kids. HA!), chauffer, sex kitten, chef, disciplinarian, comforter, butt wiper, snot swiper, entrepreneur, business owner, therapist, nurse, oh did you like how I snuck “sex kitten” in there? Yep…because we moms are all the above and don’t have time to be tired… “Come on baby, give it to me now”. But seriously, we are the “do it all moms”. But it wasn’t enough for Mark. His narcissism and love of the chase got the best of him. And so our marriage ended.

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April 26, 2017November 21, 2017

Your 2am Phone Call

“Best friends…you fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I get in a paddleboat and save your stupid ass!” -Girl From Paris

Who are your “girls”? Your 2am phone call…your cry on the shoulder, eat a gallon of ice cream, drink a few bottles of wine, dance all night, talk for hours– girlfriends? We all have them! Whether it’s one, two, or five… “our girls” are who gets us through the best and the worst of times.

For me, my friends are my family. My kids call many of my best girlfriends “auntie”…it’s just how we do it. I’m blessed to have many girlfriends that I can call upon for advice, act as a sounding board, unload in a venting session, and of course chitty chitty chit chat all night long….and usually over many drinks! When I was going through my divorce, the relationship that broke me into a million pieces, “my girls” were there for me. Even when I dug myself into a hole to just feel the pain and never want to face reality of my days, someone was always there doing the right thing. Sometimes it was letting me cry, other times it was coaxing me out on the town…and other times it was cheesy girl movies and hard alcohol! One of my favorites is with my “ROCK”, my college BFF, Luna. She and I have “Virtual Happy Hour” over the phone because she lives 600 miles away! And the funniest time… when one of my girlfriends sent me home with her Marijuana stash (prescription of course) and said, “Smoke it all girl! I don’t want to see you until next week!” Next week!!!??? She just sent me home with more pot then I had smoked in the last 10 years!

We all have our crew or our BFF, who would fight tooth and nail for you. You know she would be there for you in whatever way she can help. So who do you lean on in the time of need? It’s who I like to call…

-“Your 2am Phone Call”. When I found out that Mark had been cheating on me with an extraordinary amount of women, I lost my shit! Literally ran to the bathroom and threw up. My next move…called Athena! And yes it was close to 2am! Of course she didn’t answer…. she’s a mother of 3 and fast asleep! But she called me 1^st thing next morning! I needed her to see the photos I took of Mark’s screenshots…to make sure I wasn’t going crazy!? She even took the kids for a “play date” when I confronted Mark and kicked him out. (Read- “Power Moment” blog) And she has been there ever since.

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April 20, 2017November 21, 2017

Your Power Moment

“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self” -Karen Salmansohn

The Power Moment! The moment when no one can take away your strength…the moment you are the Phoenix rising from the ashes. This is your moment. Have you had this moment yet? Or maybe you are gearing up for it, like going into battle– suit up, pull up your big girl panties and do this! Our lives will hand us shit sometimes. It’s what you do with this shit that will create your personal growth. So let’s talk about those Power Moments and how to get yourself ready for it.

Now for us Divorcees…we all have this moment. Maybe it is as shallow as how hot you looked in front of your ex and his new girlfriend or as wonderful as a win over something you were fighting for in the MSA. Either way, you have had or will have this moment. For me, it was what I like to call “The Confrontation”. The funny thing is it’s like I knew this was going to be my Power Moment. So I actually thought about it and took my time planning it out! It felt like I was making my directorial debut on my Lifetime Movie. “OK people, I want this in one take…let’s make this real…let’s make this raw…let’s do this! ACTION!”

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