“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self” -Karen Salmansohn
The Power Moment! The moment when no one can take away your strength…the moment you are the Phoenix rising from the ashes. This is your moment. Have you had this moment yet? Or maybe you are gearing up for it, like going into battle– suit up, pull up your big girl panties and do this! Our lives will hand us shit sometimes. It’s what you do with this shit that will create your personal growth. So let’s talk about those Power Moments and how to get yourself ready for it.
Now for us Divorcees…we all have this moment. Maybe it is as shallow as how hot you looked in front of your ex and his new girlfriend or as wonderful as a win over something you were fighting for in the MSA. Either way, you have had or will have this moment. For me, it was what I like to call “The Confrontation”. The funny thing is it’s like I knew this was going to be my Power Moment. So I actually thought about it and took my time planning it out! It felt like I was making my directorial debut on my Lifetime Movie. “OK people, I want this in one take…let’s make this real…let’s make this raw…let’s do this! ACTION!”
After I found out that Mark had been cheating on me, for what I thought at that time was only a couple years; but ended up being over 8, I went through every emotion in the book! After discovering the 6 women he was sexting and threw up, it was time for “fight or flight”. Do I fight or take the kids and run. I chose fight. What happens next is Mama Bear Mode…and Mama Bear takes no prisoners. It was me and my babies. You don’t mess with Mama Bear! And then the 2am phone call to my BFF! Me calling Athena, “Girl, I’m ok…but CALL ME!” Then it’s the stay up all night and make your plan of attack and wait for reinforcements—aka BFF. Then it’s “Call me Crazy” time. Meeting with Athena, I showed her all my proof. I took photos of all six women’s texts, photos, and phone numbers—let’s call this Exhibit A. I showed Athena Exhibit A and asked her, “Please tell me I’m crazy. Is this what it looks like?” With lowered head, tears in her eyes, and fists tightening; she shook her head yes. “What an ASSHOLE!” she finally grits through her teeth. So then it’s “Ice Queen Mode”. Time to make a plan and confront the son of a bitch!
The Confrontation went down like this…Athena took the kids for a playdate the following day, while Mark and I had projects to complete around the house. I had “WORK” to do in my office. I retreated to my office to work on a slide show presentation. Do you know how Apple TV works? How you can push ALLL your photos to Apple TV and create a slide show? Well, I’m sure Apple techies never thought that their awesome programing would be used for this!
I slowly selected each photo and pushed to Apple TV Slide Show. Then I printed out extra copies for that extra pizzazz! When I was happy with my “presentation”, I took a few minutes to watch Mark mow our lawn. I was thinking how ironic it was that he was mowing what is going to be MY LAWN after this conversation. For years he had slowly squashed my love for myself. I hid in my happiness of my children and being a mom and career woman. Now, I hold the power. “Ya…I think I’ll just go ahead and LET him finish mowing My lawn.” I thought to myself.
I, aka Ice Queen, walked out to our great room…in the home we just purchased 6 months prior. The home, which Mark barely lived in due to his work travels and “extra curricular activities”. I set up for my presentation, turning on both the TV and Apple TV, and then placing the photocopies around the living room. Oh a few on the couch, one on his favorite chair….then I pressed Play, sat on the couch and waited for him to come in. Maybe he would be looking for that glass of lemonade I should have waiting for him…like a dutiful little wife. HA! Mark sauntered in…hot, sweaty, and smelling of fresh lawn clippings.
His face went white….Mark glanced at the pictures and photos of sexts from all his “women”. He saw the photocopies of MORE all over the house. I sat on his favorite chair….Athena’s voice in my head. “Don’t Cry…don’t cry…be ICE QUEEN, be strong…be brave.” Deep breath…. I start to clap for him. “Bravo!” I said. “Wow, you have been very busy. But the question isn’t how you did it; but Why?” He looked at me with a blank stare….I knew at that moment that the next thing out of his mouth would foretell my future with a man, who was my best friend, the man I had known for 20 years! Would he fall to his knees crying for my forgiveness? Would he come at me to hurt me? Who was I dealing with any more? Nothing prepared me for what he said…. “Well, it was exciting.” Mark said in a monotone voice. Wait? WHAT!? He went into three other excuses as well. In addition to how exciting it was…his excuses went from “life is hard and stressful” to “you never want sex anymore” (read Your Inner Voice) and “you did this to me”. (Referring to us before marriage- in our 20’s—broken up—I slept with a guy about a week after we broke up). We went round and round. I realized I was foolish trying to use logic with a man who was clearly a Narcissist- Tiger Woods- level cheater. There was never an apology…just excuses. Everybody else’s fault…never his. This is when the Phoenix started to rise from the ashes. Just as art portrays the Phoenix gathering fiery momentum and starts to rise above…I felt the power within. No person deserves to be lied to, deceived, and put at risk at this level! I was worth more than that…my children were worth more than that. Let alone, he putting me at a health risk by being with all these women. And when faced with a situation like this, you will also see that you are also worth more! You are stronger than you ever can imagine.
Whatever your situation…whatever you are fighting for…you can find the inner Phoenix inside you. What is your Power Moment, the moment that changed your path forever?!! How do you get there if you haven’t already?
–Talk to the people you can trust –A friend. Not someone, who may be emotionally involved, like a family member. Who is your BFF – your 2am Phone Call person? Your Voice of Reason?
–Write it down – journal your feelings, make a plan, make lists…how are you feeling today? Let it sit for a day…read it and see how your feelings have changed.
–Meditation/Mindfulness – Hot topic today is Mindfulness….you don’t have to be a Buddhist or a Yogi to sit, breath, and think on problems. Work through your issues with breath and quiet—find your power within.
–Love yourself – if you are in a bad situation…you have the power to make that change. You need to take care of YOU first…you will be a better mother, friend, partner for it.
Wherever you are in your struggle of life…whether it be divorce, death of a friend or family member, or a continued life battles where you just want to raise your hands up and say, “REALLY?” Remember one thing. When you get to the other side, you will learn something. You will look back on these moments and say, “However bad that it was, I am stronger and better for it now”.
*Alix Stone
@soulsurvivor_alix_stone
aka: Soul♥Survivor
